There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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