he shaved USA in his pubs
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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