i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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