We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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