So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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