remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
