Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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