Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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