He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
