So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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