I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
