Having a random hookup so left but love u
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
