How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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