hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
