I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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