I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
