if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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