Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
