sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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