Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
