I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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