and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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