Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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