Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
