so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
