Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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