ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
