Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
