well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need a beard to bite.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
