I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
