Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
