dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
