is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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