I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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