Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
