This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
