I think my fart just growled at me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
