If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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