My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
