you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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