i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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