I accidentally burped into my bong.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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