I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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