Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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