Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
