Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
