I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't deserve a penis
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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