You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
