Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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