when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
