she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
