Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
