Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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