is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
