its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
