All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
