He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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