I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
