I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
