if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
