you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
