I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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