He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
