i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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