i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
