Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
