i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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