So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
