i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You made out with two different species that night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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