we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
