I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
